-
This site contains eBay affiliate links for which Sea-Doo Forum may be compensated.
Scooper's Jokes!!! Enjoy! Add your own!
- Thread starter scooper77515
- Start date
crisso
New Member
Two Italians get on a bus and take a seat behind an older lady,and as italians do,they start talking.
"Emma come first.Den I come.Den two asses,dey come together.Den I come again.Two asses,dey come together again.I come again and pee twice.Den I come once more."
The lady looks around and said,"You filthy,foul mouthed swine!In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey.Coola down lady.I'ma justa tellin' my friend how to spella Mississippi."
"Emma come first.Den I come.Den two asses,dey come together.Den I come again.Two asses,dey come together again.I come again and pee twice.Den I come once more."
The lady looks around and said,"You filthy,foul mouthed swine!In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey.Coola down lady.I'ma justa tellin' my friend how to spella Mississippi."
girl mushroom and guy mushroom were talking - guy wants to date the girl mushroom but she keeps saying no.....so the guy asks why she doesn't want to date him, I'm a fun-guy....(fungi)
I was responding to a thread this morning and it reminded me of this story.
A recent graduate of Eastern Kentucky University (EKU), had just obtained his undergraduate degree, and had received a scholarship to Harvard University.
Upon arriving at Harvard, he was kinda lost on the large campus, so he stopped a fellow student and asked, "excuse me can you tell me where the library is at?"
The student said, "I don't know where your from, but here we don't end a sentence with a preposition."
The EKU student responded, "excuse me, could you tell me where the library is at, asshole."
Lou
A recent graduate of Eastern Kentucky University (EKU), had just obtained his undergraduate degree, and had received a scholarship to Harvard University.
Upon arriving at Harvard, he was kinda lost on the large campus, so he stopped a fellow student and asked, "excuse me can you tell me where the library is at?"
The student said, "I don't know where your from, but here we don't end a sentence with a preposition."
The EKU student responded, "excuse me, could you tell me where the library is at, asshole."
Lou
brock1
New Member
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
Warning this is not Politically Correct.
Obama supporters, if there are any left should not read.
President Obama was campaigning down in Texas. He was dressed in cowboy boots, cowboy hat, the works.
While he was speaking he was constantly being bombarded by flies. Finally he had to stop and asked "what's the deal with these flies"?
An old cowboy steps up and answers "they're circle flies".
President Obama asks "why are they called circle flies"?
The cowboy answers "because they circle around a horse's rear end".
President Obama says "wait a minute, are you calling me a horse's ass"?
Cowboy, "no sir, you're the President of the United States, I would never call you a horse's ass...... but it's hard to fool them flies".
Lou
Obama supporters, if there are any left should not read.
President Obama was campaigning down in Texas. He was dressed in cowboy boots, cowboy hat, the works.
While he was speaking he was constantly being bombarded by flies. Finally he had to stop and asked "what's the deal with these flies"?
An old cowboy steps up and answers "they're circle flies".
President Obama asks "why are they called circle flies"?
The cowboy answers "because they circle around a horse's rear end".
President Obama says "wait a minute, are you calling me a horse's ass"?
Cowboy, "no sir, you're the President of the United States, I would never call you a horse's ass...... but it's hard to fool them flies".
Lou
bigJake
Well-Known Member
O.K., Since Jake thought the last bar joke was funny, y'all can blame him for this one.
A duck walks into a bar, goes to the bartender and asks, got any duck food? The bartender says no and the duck leaves.
The next day the same duck goes into the same bar and asks the bartender, got any duck food? The bartender says, you were in here yesterday I told you we didn't have any duck food, we still don't have any duck food, now get the hell out. The duck leaves.
The third day the same duck goes into the same bar and asks the bartender, got any duck food? The bartender says, you were in here yesterday I told you we didn't have any duck food, we still don't have any duck food, if you came back I'm going to nail your feet to the floor now get the hell out. The duck leaves.
The fourth day the same duck goes into the same bar and asks the bartender, got any nails?
Remember this is not my fault, it's Jake's.
Lou
A duck walks into a bar, goes to the bartender and asks, got any duck food? The bartender says no and the duck leaves.
The next day the same duck goes into the same bar and asks the bartender, got any duck food? The bartender says, you were in here yesterday I told you we didn't have any duck food, we still don't have any duck food, now get the hell out. The duck leaves.
The third day the same duck goes into the same bar and asks the bartender, got any duck food? The bartender says, you were in here yesterday I told you we didn't have any duck food, we still don't have any duck food, if you came back I'm going to nail your feet to the floor now get the hell out. The duck leaves.
The fourth day the same duck goes into the same bar and asks the bartender, got any nails?
Remember this is not my fault, it's Jake's.
Lou
OH look, a talking Duck.....now that's funny....but the joke wasn't....sorry
You all have probably heard this one...but just in case. I think we all heard this one in 3rd grade.
A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve strings."
So the string goes outside and frays up one of his ends, and ties himself into a knot. He walks back into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "I am sorry, we don't serve strings, and you are a string, right?"
The string says "No, I am a frayed knot!"
A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve strings."
So the string goes outside and frays up one of his ends, and ties himself into a knot. He walks back into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "I am sorry, we don't serve strings, and you are a string, right?"
The string says "No, I am a frayed knot!"
The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over.
"Your hard drive crashed," he said.
I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."
"We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem"?
"A student told me," I answered.
"We'll send someone over right away."
"Your hard drive crashed," he said.
I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."
"We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem"?
"A student told me," I answered.
"We'll send someone over right away."
Quote from Steven Wright
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
~ Steven Wright
:troll:
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
~ Steven Wright
:troll:
Ok let's see if this gets me slammed...:blush:
A (male with female tendancies) comes into a biker bar. 'Scuse me can I have a beer? The bartender barks out; are you nuts? Look around and all you see is tough guys? This is a biker bar! Your kind is not welcome here. The guy pleads and pleads to get a beer. Finally the barkeep draws one and says; go there into that back corner and I don't want to hear a peep out of you! Understand? Yes sir. He goes into the back corner with his beer.
A burly guys walks into the bar and says: I just rode 450 miles and I'm so thirsty I can lick the sweat off the balls of a bull! From the back corner: Moooo!
A (male with female tendancies) comes into a biker bar. 'Scuse me can I have a beer? The bartender barks out; are you nuts? Look around and all you see is tough guys? This is a biker bar! Your kind is not welcome here. The guy pleads and pleads to get a beer. Finally the barkeep draws one and says; go there into that back corner and I don't want to hear a peep out of you! Understand? Yes sir. He goes into the back corner with his beer.
A burly guys walks into the bar and says: I just rode 450 miles and I'm so thirsty I can lick the sweat off the balls of a bull! From the back corner: Moooo!
Roflmao......
Whew! Dodged that bullet! Glad someone appreciated it for what it was and not the social meaning...
not everyone has answered yet. We may have some gay people in the forum.
bigJake
Well-Known Member
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each
week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under
the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank! ,
drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the
middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They
stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days ...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said .....
"OK, I give up. Where's the ****in' ship?"
week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under
the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank! ,
drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the
middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They
stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days ...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said .....
"OK, I give up. Where's the ****in' ship?"
Jake and Lou from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury.
"I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Lou said.
"It sure does," said Jake, looking through the owner's manual. "Here it is: rear defrosters."
"I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Lou said.
"It sure does," said Jake, looking through the owner's manual. "Here it is: rear defrosters."
