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Ask Jake, Lou and Tater
- Thread starter bigJake
- Start date
- Status
I can hardly wait. I hope it's better than griz with the bum at McDonalds.
bigJake
Well-Known Member
ok, so I'm in the checkout line at the Walmart, and there's this odd lookin feller in front of me checkin out. Betty Lou, that's third cousin on Ma's side is the cashier, she tells the odd lookin feller his total and he a reaches in his pocket and pulls out this wallet about the size of a small opossum. He reaches in that there wallet and pulls out this square a tin foil. I thought he was gonna eat a sandwhich but he commenses to unwrap the tin foil and inside is his credit card. He runs his credit card thru that there machine and then wraps it all back up in the tin foil and put it back in his opussum wallet.
Now I was gonna ask the odd feller just what in sam hell he was doin with that there tin foil but dag nabbit I was so dumbfounded by a seein this that I just didn't know what to say to the feller.
Now I was gonna ask the odd feller just what in sam hell he was doin with that there tin foil but dag nabbit I was so dumbfounded by a seein this that I just didn't know what to say to the feller.
bigJake
Well-Known Member
Criss, after the odd lookin feller left I was gonna say to Betty Lou "I wonder if he has a tin foil hat he wears at home", but I remembered that Betty Lou's husband has ta wear that tin foil hat when he is a watching the Nascar on the TV cause of that metal plate he gots in his head a interferin with the TV reception.
This is a little Christmas gift from our family to everyone on the SeaDoo forum.
Love, Jake, Lou and Criss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u_c1oyaClU&feature=related
Love, Jake, Lou and Criss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u_c1oyaClU&feature=related
Don't let the kids listen to this....XXX language.
bigJake
Well-Known Member
Twas the night before a Redneck Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when out on the lake
Not a Seadooer was riding, not even BigJake.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a new GTI soon would be there.
Jake, Lou and Criss were nestled all snug in their beds,
Visions of jet skis with nekid girls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her flannels, and Pa in his cap,
Ole Duke on the floor, he was takin a nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
I tripped over ole Duke and fell with a crash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a nice shiny truck, filled with eight kegs of beer.
With a big ole driver, that Sis is real fonda,
I knew in a moment it must be Doc Honda.
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and he called us by name!
"Yo Criss! Yo Lou! Yo Jake, and Sis you vixen!
Git yur asses outta bed and this beer we'll be Blitzen!
Come sit on the porch! Come sit on the wall!
Now drink away! Drink away! Drink away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard Pa on the roof
When he drinks too much shine, he acts like a goof.
As I drank my beer, and was turning around,
Down the Chimney Pa fell, he came with a bound.
He was dressed all in rabbit furs, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes smelled like his still and was covered with soot.
A fresh batch of shine he had put in his pack,
And he looked like a opussum lying still on his back.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He drolled from his mouth then sprang up like a bow,
And then he staggered outside and peed in the snow.
The corncob pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He has a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he farted, like a bowlful of jelly!
Pa spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all our stockings, with bottles of shine and beef jerk.
Then using his finger, he picked his nose,
And gave us a nod, then threw up on his clothes.
Then Doc sprang to his truck and gave Sis a whistle,
And away he flew like a nuclear missle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
Twas the night before Christmas, when out on the lake
Not a Seadooer was riding, not even BigJake.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a new GTI soon would be there.
Jake, Lou and Criss were nestled all snug in their beds,
Visions of jet skis with nekid girls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her flannels, and Pa in his cap,
Ole Duke on the floor, he was takin a nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
I tripped over ole Duke and fell with a crash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a nice shiny truck, filled with eight kegs of beer.
With a big ole driver, that Sis is real fonda,
I knew in a moment it must be Doc Honda.
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and he called us by name!
"Yo Criss! Yo Lou! Yo Jake, and Sis you vixen!
Git yur asses outta bed and this beer we'll be Blitzen!
Come sit on the porch! Come sit on the wall!
Now drink away! Drink away! Drink away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard Pa on the roof
When he drinks too much shine, he acts like a goof.
As I drank my beer, and was turning around,
Down the Chimney Pa fell, he came with a bound.
He was dressed all in rabbit furs, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes smelled like his still and was covered with soot.
A fresh batch of shine he had put in his pack,
And he looked like a opussum lying still on his back.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He drolled from his mouth then sprang up like a bow,
And then he staggered outside and peed in the snow.
The corncob pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He has a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he farted, like a bowlful of jelly!
Pa spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all our stockings, with bottles of shine and beef jerk.
Then using his finger, he picked his nose,
And gave us a nod, then threw up on his clothes.
Then Doc sprang to his truck and gave Sis a whistle,
And away he flew like a nuclear missle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
Jake,
That was great, I never knew you were a poet. I thought about calling you Longfellow, but according to your wife Shortfellow is more appropriate.
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, to you, your family and everyone on the SeaDoo forum. Every one have a safe and happy holiday, and to everyone health, happiness and prosperity in the New Year.
Lou
That was great, I never knew you were a poet. I thought about calling you Longfellow, but according to your wife Shortfellow is more appropriate.
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, to you, your family and everyone on the SeaDoo forum. Every one have a safe and happy holiday, and to everyone health, happiness and prosperity in the New Year.
Lou
Jake - nice poem remake....you must have a "wonderful" family.
New beer ad for an Aussie beer -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX145Tu4MHY&feature=related
New beer ad for an Aussie beer -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX145Tu4MHY&feature=related
bigJake
Well-Known Member
nice commercial !!! but msg from Criss:
SDB.That add is not Aussie.Sand aint white.Guy in pic is.Not enought beer in cooler.Wrong hat.Is american hat, not aussie hat.Legs ,body,head,breasticles are all Aussie.She must of been flown over.beer aint even Aussie.Plus there would have been 10 women walking up the beach.After the beer.Not the bloke that has the color of a bottle of milk.
News flash from SDB
Have a beer at a bar then bungle a bank bust.
*****Deputies: Man returned to beer after bank robbery
By Associated Press
0 Comments
Port Richey, Fla.— Authorities say a Tampa Bay area man ordered a beer at a bar, left to rob a nearby bank then came back to finish his beer.
The Pasco County Sheriff's Office says 52-year-old John Robin Whittle was arrested at the Hayloft Bar in Port Richey on Thursday afternoon. Deputies say he's the man who robbed a Wells-Fargo bank branch earlier, but not before stopping off at the Hayloft for a brew.
A bartender there says Whittle ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes and then returned to his beer. Deputies say they arrested him at the bar about 10 minutes after he left the bank.
Whittle remained in jail early Friday on $10,000 bond. No attorn
Have a beer at a bar then bungle a bank bust.
*****Deputies: Man returned to beer after bank robbery
By Associated Press
0 Comments
Port Richey, Fla.— Authorities say a Tampa Bay area man ordered a beer at a bar, left to rob a nearby bank then came back to finish his beer.
The Pasco County Sheriff's Office says 52-year-old John Robin Whittle was arrested at the Hayloft Bar in Port Richey on Thursday afternoon. Deputies say he's the man who robbed a Wells-Fargo bank branch earlier, but not before stopping off at the Hayloft for a brew.
A bartender there says Whittle ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes and then returned to his beer. Deputies say they arrested him at the bar about 10 minutes after he left the bank.
Whittle remained in jail early Friday on $10,000 bond. No attorn
Griz,
The ski looks great, would'a been good for the before and after thread. Sure makes a big difference, I especially like "Surrender the Booty". I've got a surrender the booty flag on my boat, but I'm sorry to say it hasn't worked yet.
:lol: Y'all expecting snow for Christmas?
Lou
The ski looks great, would'a been good for the before and after thread. Sure makes a big difference, I especially like "Surrender the Booty". I've got a surrender the booty flag on my boat, but I'm sorry to say it hasn't worked yet.
:lol: Y'all expecting snow for Christmas?
Lou
I just go this link in an EMail, it's got nothing to do with SeaDoo's but it's got a lot to do with family. I just had to share it.
http://www.wimp.com/dadscar/
Lou
http://www.wimp.com/dadscar/
Lou
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