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Scooper's Jokes!!! Enjoy! Add your own!
- Thread starter scooper77515
- Start date
Yeah, It was probably a good call on your part. Drown him.....for sure!!
This place ends up being funny even WITHOUT the jokes!
lamajama
Well-Known Member
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or it can be a condition imposed by certain environmental encounters.
While attending a marriage encounter weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, "Robin Hood All-purpose, isn't it?"
And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.
While attending a marriage encounter weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, "Robin Hood All-purpose, isn't it?"
And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.
lamajama
Well-Known Member
Definitions Male/Female
1.. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
a. female...Any part under a car's hood.
b. male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
a. female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
b. male...Playing any sport without a "cup."
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
a. female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
b. male...Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. BUTT (but) n.
a. female...The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
b. male...What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
5. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
a. female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
b. male...Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
6. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
a. female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
b. male...Anything that can be done while drinking.
7. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
a. female...An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
b. male...An endless source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.
8. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
a. female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
b. male...Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
9. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
a. female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
b. male...A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.
10. FOOTBALL (foot-ball) n.
a. female...An annoying 6 month long competition for a partner's attention.
b. male...6 months off from spending time with what's her name.
1.. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
a. female...Any part under a car's hood.
b. male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
a. female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
b. male...Playing any sport without a "cup."
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
a. female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
b. male...Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. BUTT (but) n.
a. female...The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
b. male...What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
5. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
a. female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
b. male...Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
6. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
a. female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
b. male...Anything that can be done while drinking.
7. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
a. female...An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
b. male...An endless source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.
8. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
a. female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
b. male...Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
9. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
a. female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
b. male...A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.
10. FOOTBALL (foot-ball) n.
a. female...An annoying 6 month long competition for a partner's attention.
b. male...6 months off from spending time with what's her name.
lamajama
Well-Known Member
WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE A RED NECK....
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Damn! Several of those apply to me...
lamajama
Well-Known Member
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from this evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years..."
Nebraska Farm Kid in the Marines
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well . Hope you are . Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile . Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things . No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there 's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc. , but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It 's no wonder these city boys can 't walk much.
We go on 'route marches, ' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it 's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march ' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.
They don 't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don 't know why . . The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don 't move, and it ain 't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home . . All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it . You don 't even load your own cartridges, they come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain 't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I 'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. . I only beat him once . . . He joined up the same time as me, but I 'm only 5 '6 ' and 130 pounds and he 's 6 '8 ' and near 300 pounds dry .
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well . Hope you are . Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile . Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things . No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there 's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc. , but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It 's no wonder these city boys can 't walk much.
We go on 'route marches, ' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it 's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march ' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.
They don 't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don 't know why . . The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don 't move, and it ain 't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home . . All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it . You don 't even load your own cartridges, they come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain 't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I 'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. . I only beat him once . . . He joined up the same time as me, but I 'm only 5 '6 ' and 130 pounds and he 's 6 '8 ' and near 300 pounds dry .
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
lamajama
Well-Known Member
Joe's will provided $ 30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied
Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $ 30,000?" Helen answered. "The funeral was $ 6,500. I donated $ 500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $ 500. The rest went for
the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? How big is it? "Two and a half carats."
Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $ 30,000?" Helen answered. "The funeral was $ 6,500. I donated $ 500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $ 500. The rest went for
the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? How big is it? "Two and a half carats."
RodInEscondido
Well-Known Member
A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put
up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up".
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The
owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would
get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were
close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the
same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2
this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free
sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is
rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice
last week."
up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up".
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The
owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would
get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were
close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the
same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2
this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free
sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is
rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice
last week."
lamajama
Well-Known Member
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome
with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty! You're
crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate! "
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their
planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called
T este."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in
the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this
lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo The hairdresser asked
her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful," explaine d the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us
up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome
28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great!
They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the
finest hotel in the city They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized
and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you
didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room
and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes
later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and
he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?
He said, "Where'd you get the crappy hairdo?"
with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty! You're
crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate! "
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their
planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called
T este."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in
the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this
lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo The hairdresser asked
her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful," explaine d the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us
up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome
28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great!
They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the
finest hotel in the city They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized
and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you
didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room
and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes
later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and
he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?
He said, "Where'd you get the crappy hairdo?"
Not really a joke, but guys on Facebook in JetskiJunkies were making fun of it....must be yama owners.....
Does anyone know where this sign can be purchased....maybe SDF can make a bulk buy and sell them to us.
lamajama
Well-Known Member
Son asked his mother the following question:
"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."
"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."
lamajama
Well-Known Member
The answer to an age old question
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Case closed. Time for another beer.
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Case closed. Time for another beer.
good one above.....
********************
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, I've been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where I work."
"How much did you take?"
"Enough to build my own house and my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious. I'll have to think of a far-reaching penance for you. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't. But if you have the blueprints, I can get the lumber."
********************
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, I've been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where I work."
"How much did you take?"
"Enough to build my own house and my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious. I'll have to think of a far-reaching penance for you. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't. But if you have the blueprints, I can get the lumber."
Spimothy Leary
Well-Known Member
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
For that kind of money, I would definitely take off my earrings, too! :cheers:
lamajama
Well-Known Member
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 BILLION Dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 BILLION Dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
This is basically for Detroit Tiger fans, but you could insert your most "unfavorite" players name and tell the same joke.
Need some computer help! My laptop just detected a virus called valverde.exe
It won't let me save, and I can't get it to close.
Need some computer help! My laptop just detected a virus called valverde.exe
It won't let me save, and I can't get it to close.
An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought!
"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought!
lamajama
Well-Known Member
Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Sex'
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
It's Called Therapy
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Sex'
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
It's Called Therapy
